You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize