It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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