he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
