You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
