I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
