I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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