I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
