On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
