you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
