I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
