Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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