bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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