I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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