member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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