I want to have your abortion
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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