There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
