you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
