I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
