My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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