yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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