the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize