Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Come on in and take your pants off
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