8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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