when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
