sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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