She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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