he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
