to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
