Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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