Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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