when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
