hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
