Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
