I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
