I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
