Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
