i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
