She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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