we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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