I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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