I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize