I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dignity is for republicans.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize