so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
