so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
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You. Win. At. Life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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