in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
