He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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