Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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