The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
