imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
