it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize