I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Houston, we have a squirter
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
