What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
