so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
