People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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