She said her name was "party"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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