College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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