You just made me feel so damn special
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
