she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
