I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
