My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize