it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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