remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
