i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
