So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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