yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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