What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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