Do you still have your period?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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