How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
