You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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